As sure as we are born, and as sure as we die, human experience includes surviving the loss of Love. Loss is inevitable, but as the Dalai Lama says, the bitter pain of separation, anger, and depression are emotions that can teach us important lessons.
Valentine’s Day is the time of year when red hearts and roses can intensify feelings of loneliness.
Below are a few tips that may help in healing your broken heart. You will survive.
Disco singer, Gloria Gaynor, the voice behind “I Will Survive,” belted out, “At first I was alone, I was petrified, and I kept thinking I could never live without your love.”
The truth is you can, and you will, but the how of it is up to you. Surrendering to lost love is the first step in the process of healing. From my vantage point as a coach, I see that most unhappiness in life is caused by an inability to imagine that we deserve better. Start the healing process by admitting to yourself that the relationship was not working.
Admitting that the relationship is over is like scaling Mount McKinley, which can be a treacherous and difficult crossing. Forget what might have been, should have been, and could have been. These past regrets won’t propel you up the mountain. What you need is an energy bar of confidence to power your trip. Acceptance takes time, perseverance, and grace.
• Heartbreak Can Be a Divine Dance
As you begin to recover from the shock of a relationship “gone south,” you will gradually emerge from a paralyzing cocoon. Each day, rise up from the floor of denial onto your knees and ask for the “willingness to be willing” to mend your broken heart. As you continue to move with grace, you will experience the stirrings of sacred and sublime dance in your heart.
• Inventory Your Fears, Pain, and Responsibility
Moving forward requires that you make an honest assessment of the role you played in the failed relationship. Most people who suffer heartbreak take little responsibility for their own shortcomings. Whenever we point fingers at the other in blame, the hand points back at us. The things that we abhor and cherish are often reflections of our inner thoughts and feelings.
• Drag Yourself Away from the Pain
Pain is like an umbrella, always waiting, comfortably nestled in the stand by the front door. Create some diversions in your daily schedule to provide relief. My personal favorites are watching a funny movie, feeding people at a homeless shelter, vigorous exercise, dancing or visiting a friend in need.
The first time I tried, I went to a local theater by myself and watched, “Sister Act,” starring Whoopie Goldberg. I laughed until I cried, but it gave me a well-deserved two-hour break from the pain.
• Talk to Someone Who Specializes in Grief
Seek support from your good friends only when you need a break from yourself. Talk to someone who is not emotionally involved and is able to view your situation in an objective manner. Shamans, clergymen, therapists, masseuses, hairdressers are examples of those who may lend a constructive and sympathetic ear.
• Make Better Choices
Generally, it takes approximately three weeks to establish a new behavior in one’s daily routine. Attend an exercise class, join a hiking group, power up your endorphins and drink lots of happy juice. Associate with people who appreciate your presence and use their energy to help you move beyond your pain
Your broken heart is like an apple that has fallen to the ground. Pick it up, wash it off, and sample all of the wonderful flavors that it has to offer.
• Sow Healing Seeds
Several years ago I planted some hearty bulbs on a cold November day. I prayed that by springtime, the purple tulips would peek through the earth, blessing me with their beauty. The healing season, which is a natural part of life, takes time. Be patient, and as your seeds grow, nurture them, and monitor their growth. Healing can be an enjoyable and enlightening experience.