Recently I visited a friend of mine whose son had died while attending a rave festival. I was amazed at how she sported a cheerful smile during this time of grieving. My past experience of love loss had left me crumpled in a dark closet. I was so distraught that I wondered if there was any point in living. Yet, here was a mother suffering from a great loss, and moving forward. I asked her what enabled her to be so positive.
Her faith in Jehovah was the key. She explained that drowning in her sorrows and allowing heartbreak to overshadow all aspects of her life would cut her off from the flow of God’s divine guidance.
Albeit her faith is not my path, so spirit shook me loose from the clothesline, and I reluctantly shuffled forward, realizing that it was in my best interest to find my true purpose. A wise confidante suggested that I remain single until my heart was open to be hurt again. Her advice included exploring Mother Nature and learning how to be a tree.
Until then, the manner in which I pursued love and found my partners could be likened to selecting sweet, greasy items from a restaurant menu. The flavors were delightful and felt good going down, but invariably, gas and heartburn followed.
Each had qualities of a partner, but it was always cloaked in unavailability and responsibility elsewhere. Love ignited an allergy that resembled a rabid dog in heat, insatiable and foaming at the mouth. The more distant the catch, tracking for crumbs became more important than me.
Earlier in my life, a Shaman presented a vision to me in which I was riding a horse. I carried everything I needed for the journey, but love still tossed me from the saddle. A standard joke in my life was that I opened my first restaurant to help my partners dream come true, and then closed it to follow another love interest south. When this partner snuck off in the night, I opened another one to give the third a job, and then sold it to escape an affair with a waitress.
Finally in Denver, isolated from self again, my trunk arrived from CA, still overflowing with personal baggage. The time had arrived to discard old patterns and avoid imitate relationships until I became the person I wanted to meet. It’s a common occurrence for many people to spend years in therapy trying to “figure out” what happened. Although therapy was a gift that saved my life during my dirty thirties, it never altered the radar signals that I was sending to inappropriate potential mates from across the country. To say that I wasted years trying to quench my thirst for love is inaccurate. Seeds of compassion did sprout from the depths of my scarred heart. Eventually I realized where my responsibility resided, learning to love and accept myself.
My black and blue heart came close to closing forever. One morning, I was nearing the top of a hiking trail near Boulder, hoping that this was the day in which I would finally become a tree. Much to my surprise, I stumbled onto a cloud of love. From my vantage point on the trail, I could see the backside of a person sitting in a deep meditation. It felt like a sacred moment as the prevailing winds of love permeated the entire peak. I was convinced that I had finally found my soul mate. After all, I had made my decision just weeks before not to follow in a family tradition of becoming cold and embittered to romance. Upon the advice of a wise elder I made a new list and even took up hugging trees.
I waited patiently on a rock as my soul mate finished his mediation. As I sat there trying to calm an onrush of divine sensations, a man in his late eighties turned towards and smiled. Over the years it has become clear that true love’s vibration has little to do with sexual attraction. I had a great deal of work to do. There was a huge discrepancy between my physical attraction and energetic alignment. Henceforth I set out to become “I that is me in you.”
Next up is a piece about seeking Mr. Good Bar entitled, “Massage with a Happy Ending.”
Renee Baribeau is The Practical Shaman. She is known for her no-nonsense, “tell it like it is” approach to successful business practices. Her clients are entrepreneurs, CEO’s, movie producers, and celebrities who understand the necessity of a life coach to remain fit for life’s business opportunities.
– Possessed of an entrepreneurial spirit, Renee has owned two successful restaurants and catering companies, and spent ten years as a corporate executive. Walking comfortably in two worlds, she is both a successful business leader and a humble servant of her community and the earth using her shamanic tool kit.
– In 2010, Renee’s healing memoir, The Shaman Chef: How Cooking Saved My Life (publication pending), placed her among the top 25 finalists in The Next Top Spiritual Author competition, emerging from a field of over 2,500 candidates from around the world.
– Her “Creativity: A Recipe for Awakening,” was chosen to be a chapter in the anthology Pearls of Wisdom: 30 Inspirational Ideas to Live your Best Life Now featuring Jack Canfield, released in April 1, 2012. Order Here
– Currently she is working on a new book called, When the Wind Blows, The Art of Navigating your Emotional Life Using the Awakening Compass. The compass is a tool she has developed as a divination tool, useful for tracking ones business as well as one’s personal map. Learn more at www.thepracticalshaman.com.