Last night I passed along the wand of healing to another community member. It was time to move on and give away the network I had spent eight years building. I funded it with my sweat along with the profit gained from selling a house. Today I feel surprisingly empty. For the past two years I have vacillated as to my involvement with the network, as my work is now taking me far beyond the mountains of our small desert community. I’d like to talk about the gifts and lessons I have learned from caretaking our wellness community, as well as the role I’ve played as a resource for those seeking the services of the network.
1. You can sit on a Curb for 10 years and when your destiny is ready it will call you!
Several years ago, a psychic said to me, “Renee you can sit on the curb for the Next Ten Years and Your Destiny will find you.” The Network called to me one day as I was sitting at a beach in the Southern Mexico. Like a surfer riding a wave, a powerful vision took hold of my life. I tussled about in the bay like seaweed for years, caught up in the undertow of the task. As the full moon rose high in the sky with the same force of nature, it became evident that my work was done.
Some tasks are ours alone to complete. They may frustrate us and bring us to our knees, but we gain an awareness that everything learned up to that point was in preparation for the challenge at hand. Everything gained in the process will decide the future outcome. Eight years ago, my surfboard crashed into the shoreline. My phone rang and the caller was not looking for a referral, but sought me instead. Like a container placed curbside for the weekly pick-up, destiny beckoned once again and I began a new path as a healer.
2. Where there is light there is Shadow lurking
In my naiveté I believed I could simply relocate back to my central home in the desert and open a doorway of light in the form of a Healing Arts Center. As I crossed the threshold of this spellbinding dream, I was met with the harsh reality that everyone has an ego, and no one could get along, including myself. I thought that all I had to do was build a baseball field and the team would arrive. Perhaps this worked in a movie but not in real life.
3. A Spiritual Path is just that, a dirt road up the narrow side of a mountain.
For years I’ve benefited from helping others. It gave me an opportunity to hide behind my own fears. I received lots of notoriety and free entrance passes to many events. I’ve shared breakfast and coffee with many famous spiritual leaders who stayed in my home.
Over the years these perks became limiting ideas. I traded my services like seconds at a bargain basement, always loving the free passes, but never realizing my true worth.
There were times along my journey when I felt like a stopgap; I felt like I wasn’t being fully accepted. In the past I’ve received many calls, whenever a new shiny object came to town. Once it was a flashy guide, and then another healer etc. Each time I gazed within and realized that my job included holding space for others, as well as for myself. One slick dude went as far as stealing content from my website in order to lend credibility to his venture. Many people did not listen and lost money. Either way, many sought my advice.
5. Things are Never as They Seem
I was sure I heard the Angels saying, “Go back to the desert and open a column of light.” I was instructed that it wasn’t my destiny to run the network forever, but to build and hold until further instructions came. As a wise teacher once said, “The money is in the boring and the mundane.” After two years I was sure that it was time to sell. Looking back I can only laugh as many launched their own center. I was no longer the column of light but the center of a wheel. This took some getting used to, as it didn’t match the imagined words of the Angels. I am listening as they speak to me again.
6. Anger is the Greatest Motivator for Change
For more than a year I was furious at the lack of support for the network. Venom poured out of me everywhere I went. During this period I alienated myself from many people. I didn’t understand why everyone wasn’t playing by the “rules.”. The hurt I felt for the lack of support turned out to be a gift. The pain fuelled my healing to go deeper and reach into the Internet for answers, which took me deep into a study and understanding of social media. Along the way I accumulated a significant mailing list of spiritual seekers from around the world.
As I healed I began to see that the inner spokes of the wheel were genuinely working and that the ripples of the waves were being felt as far away as Iceland.
7. This is our Community.
I am reminded of a story about a community in Mexico. There is a crazy man who strips naked and jumps into a fountain for a swim. The neighbors bring blankets to wrap him in and then they take him home. They do not shun or throw him away, like we can do in the North.
The Greatest Lesson that I have learned during the past eight years is to acknowledge everyone’s contribution to the group. Some people sit in their homes and pray over the fault lines. Some rant and rave to anyone who will listen. When I gave my farewell blessing last night, I encouraged everyone to look around and take note of the brothers and sisters who will be there when needed. So often I hear about people seeking connection, but with it comes a definition of what it should look like. As my ex always asked, “On what page of the Relationship Handbook can that be found?”
Another big lesson I’ve learned as a community leader, is that the energy which we extend is always returned, but not necessarily in the manner that we might expect. Eight years ago it was easy for me to imagine who would be at the farewell party. This would have left me short on joy as the perfect cross section of the group turned out. From the high desert to the very first member of the network, every corner of the desert was accounted for. I was grateful for the garbage disposal repairman who wasn’t there, and for the friend who accompanied me to the beach. I had finally come full circle and realized that I was never in charge.
9. Timing is everything
This year I had two amazing experiences that explain why I was given the job to organize the forces so many years ago. On 12/21 I held a worldwide ceremony with over 1200 people, and it was anchored in my own yard. All of the yogic and healing energies, space holders, and resistance met that day around the fire. As I stood there welcoming my guests over live streaming video, I knew that this was a debut performance that had required many years to prepare.
So it is with the person who will carry the group forward. With my idea fully formed, I presented the package to Joy Meredith who has kept the light shining in Palm Springs for over 26 years with her “New Age” Store. As I move on, I am honored to pass along the wheel to her, wishing her well as she continues to share the light.
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